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BELONGING: THE LONGING WE ALL FEEL

Writer's picture: Rosalba RandalRosalba Randal


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Oxford Dictionary Definition:

Be property of, be rightly assigned to as a duty, right , part, member,...have the right personal or social qualities to be a member of place or a particular group... fit a particular environment...

Few years ago I met someone in a personal development workshop. In that workshop I saw her as a very confident and even pretentious person, who came across as expressive; I would not say she was extroverted but she was, to me, confident. I met her again in a second workshop and that is when the penny dropped for me.

She was not confident and she did not feel she belonged at all.

We had the opportunity to have a long conversation about how and outsider she always felt, how painful it was for her to appear confident and part of and how much she struggled feeling the opposite inside: inadequate, off, not being there in her heart. Her feelings were that she needed to mould herself to appear in harmony with whatever was going on, even sacrificing her soul's needs for something different.

Having the long for belonging is a common experience. Belonging means acceptance as a member or part. ... A sense of belonging is a human need, just like the need for food and shelter. Feeling that you belong adds value and meaning to life and helps different coping mechanisms before difficulties, knowing that we are a part and that others are on the path with us, make problems more bearable and life more enjoyable.

It seems that the lack of sense of belonging, of being part is something that most of us feel at some point in our lives or all the way through. For me this was a painful and constant feeling for many years through childhood to my early fifties. I remember being at school and not having many friends, aside of having playmates and class mates in school times I was not very able to have friends, I distrusted a lot and probably reflected fear of being betrayed or lied to.

In the university, this changed and I was much more sociable and got into groups, organisations and environmental clubs. May be the university years were I most felt that I was part of something and I was more engaged with social and cultural issues. However, inside me there was still a deep disconnection and I never felt good enough to consider myself part of a big , important thing like say, the world.

When we don't have the sense of belonging, it is impossible to connect from our hearts, we can manage to appear, we can function, we can relate but the sense of connection is not there, when we know that we belong there is a sense that we are needed, claimed for someone or for something, we are important.

A sense of belonging is a human need, just like the need for food and shelter. WE need to know that we are part of something bigger than ourselves, knowing it put into perspective the reasons why we do what we do. The offering and giving of our gifts make more sense.

Some research shows that for us to buil more sense of belonging it is important to have a family or group narrative that put us in the context and recognition of which is that big structure we are part of. This research has shown that most happy families communicate effectively. But talking doesn’t mean simply “talking through problems,” as important as that is. Talking also means telling a positive story about yourselves. Telling stories about uncles, grandparents, struggles, missions, businesses. This act of creating a family narrative, may increase the odds that your family will thrive for many generations to come.

I have read a spiritual perspective of belonging, I don't remember the source: When we incarnate and born. When we borne we are disengaged


When we don’t feel we belong, we truly question whether or not our life matters and therefore stop ourselves from serving and contributing to others.

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